Letters From My Father

It's funny how you can know someone your entire life, but not really know them. Your impression of them is often formed by what they allow you to see. I always thought my father was very reserved with his emotions, especially when it came to displays of affection. However, he had very strong opinions about other matters. And as my sister puts it, he liked to make pronouncements instead of participate in idle conversation.  Daddy let you know under no uncertain terms that it was “his way or the highway.” Strong convictions is putting it mildly.

After he passed away, a whole new man materialized and I realized my real father had been hiding in plain sight my entire life. I discovered this new man in the drawers of his desk at his law office which were crammed full of letters he had written over his lifetime.

My father was a modern day scrivener – a man who preferred to wax poetically in ink as opposed to face-to-face. From these missives I gained insight into the man behind the stoic facade and discovered what was of value to him.

Family was of utmost importance. I recall around Christmas time he loved to call his Air Force buddies and brag on us, his children. Regardless of what we were doing, Daddy made it sound like we were accomplishing great feats. This pride also extended to his nieces and nephews, as I discovered in a letter to my cousin Carol after she won the Miss Sunflower County title.

“Congratulations!!! I am ever so sorry that I was not present to see you win your title, but I am certainly very proud of you and am certain that you will represent Sunflower County well at the Pageant in Vicksburg. If at all possible, I intend to be present at the Pageant so that I might cheer you on and give you moral support.”

He was always particularly proud of friends and family members who were furthering their education. To him education was essential to becoming a productive citizen. One letter I discovered congratulated a friend upon his graduation and impressed upon him the importance of becoming a life-long learner as well as challenging him to invest himself in the future of our country.

“I hope that you will look upon your graduation as the first step in an ever continuing education, and I am confident that the future of our state and country will be in good hands when it passes to responsible young men such as yourself.”

Another letter to his nephew getting ready to head to college shockingly acknowledged our family trait of being overly opinionated.

“When I think of our family, I often compare us to the statement that a person made about Harvard University at one time in which he stated that in any given controversy of any importance, you will always find a Harvard man on either side. This is just about true in our family, as you know and have been able to observe that we are quite well spoken, biased and prejudiced on any given subject.”

In addition to education, good customer service was paramount to him. Being in the legal field, Daddy was cognizant of the value of people's time. Nothing aggravated him more than when his time was wasted. My mother once dropped him off for a doctor's appointment while she ran errands. After an hour and a half, she picked Daddy up and headed back home. When Mama inquired as to what the doctor said, Daddy replied, “Nothing.” Shocked my mother retorted, “What do you mean nothing?” to which Daddy informed her, “I didn't see the doctor. I got up and left because I got tired of waiting on him.”

So when Daddy received punctual service at a doctor's office, he was quick to praise.

“I want to congratulate you and your staff for the prompt, courteous, friendly and efficient service that I received. It is indeed a refreshing experience to find people who appear to be genuinely caring about your situation and want to be helpful and friendly. I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate this type of service.”

He often bemoaned the fact that clerks working in department stores had little or no interest in helping the customer. However I discovered that he liked to recognize these employees when he received particularly good service.

“I called your department to enquire about this order. I was afforded the utmost courtesy, respect and a genuine care and concern on the part of your staff. I just wanted to write and congratulate you and your staff for being unusual in a day when it seems that retail personnel couldn't care less whether a person bought their product or not. . . . It was a genuine pleasure for me to find out that there are still retail personnel who are cheerful, helpful and courteous to their customers.”

For all my father's earnestness, a lighter side emerged in his letters as well. My father was quick witted and like to dispense one-liners. He also loved music.  He played clarinet and guitar and at one point in his life took organ lessons.

“I am pleased to announce that the Hammond organ that you sold me last fall has certainly been a pleasant addition to my life. I have been taking music lessons on the organ and I can now play 'Silent Night' almost as well as you can. My instructor informs me that I am one of the few people that she has instructed possessed of so great a talent, including a particular type of ear (tin, I believe she said). Being completely exhilarated with the knowledge that my genius has at last been discovered by someone other than myself, I am now stepping boldly ahead and would very much appreciate your sending to me the Hammond instruction series for intermediate students.”

It's been hard culling through my father's things. His former existence is reduced to a few boxes of papers, pictures and memorabilia.  As I reflect, I realize that he was larger than life; a complex man who was mysterious to me in so many ways. I didn't always agree with him or understand why he was the way he was, but I loved him. Unconditionally. And in the end, I found evidence of my love in, of all things, a letter.